The Good Little Church Girl

“Your just the good little church girl!”  I’ve been called this more times than I can count.  This label was slapped on me throughout most of my adolescence and has seemed to find me again here in my early 30’s.  However this time it doesn’t bother me like it did when I was younger.  Sticks and stones, I guess.

Like all labels though, sometimes whats behind them isn’t whats being advertised on the outside.  We are very talented, don’t you think?  We can live so recklessly but put up a good front to those that we want to impress.  I find it so interesting when tragedy strikes or news of someones untimely mistakes break and you begin to look at the family albums or think back to better times and hear comments like “she looked so happy”, “she seemed so happy”.   We hide our hurt and our shame for fear of being exposed.  We don’t want to be vulnerable or weak.  We go to great measures to hide our secrets.  We live in a society that says we have to deal, we have to cope or suck it up!  So before we know it, we don’t have to have someone come along and label us, we label ourselves.

I can’t imagine anyone would have looked at me and dared to call me the “Good Little Church Girl” had they seen me sitting in the waiting room of an Abortion Clinic almost nine years ago.  That hot July day that I woke up with my whole heart intact and after visiting that clinic and buying into one of the biggest lies our society is selling women today, I went to sleep that night as I have every night since, with part of my heart missing.

I thought that by choosing to terminate that life inside of me that I was fixing my mistake, I wasn’t.  I thought nobody would ever find out and I thought I could keep it a secret.  I thought I was strong enough to cope.  I wasn’t.  I believed that I could deal with it all by myself.  I couldn’t.  This “Good Little Church Girl” chose to make a huge mistake.

It’s taken me many years to get over the many labels that I’ve placed on myself.  It’s taken years for me to accept the forgiveness that is available through the blood of Christ if only we will come to Him.  It’s taken years for me to forgive me, but I have.

Father, I’m so thankful that while we were sinners you died for us.  Thank you for eternal life.  Heaven, a place where I know I will see my baby one day.  Thank you for loving me when I couldn’t love me.  In Jesus Name, Amen.

Published in: on November 30, 2009 at 2:05 pm  Comments (4)  

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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Forgiven and Beloved are the labels Jesus gives you and the proof is how he has blessed you! (Look at your beautiful children and the loving husband he gave you) He doesn’t even remember our sins,(Hallelujah!!!) and we all have sinned in one way or another. You can’t change the past, but you’re doing the right thing to warn other young women and hopefully save them from the anguish that you have been through. May God bless you for sharing your story!!!

  2. You are such a blessing.

  3. I am so very proud of you! God is such a wonderful and forgiving father!

  4. Romans 8:28 says, we know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose.

    Your mistake wasn’t a surprise to God, the Father. Read the scripture above s-l-o-w-l-y. God has had a purpose and plan for you to use your testimony all along. In fact, even when He formed you in my womb He knew “you”. Yes, the mistake was and is painful but He is delighting in you today.

    So many young girls need to hear testimonies such as this rather than just the “I was a perfect child”, “I never caused my parents any heartache”. Your testimony tells young girls and women that God is forgiving, they can be cleansed and healed of their mistakes. God is just waiting to give them a “new life”, refreshed and cleansed by the very precious blood of His Son, Jesus Christ. All they need is Jesus.

    The stripes on His back were for our physical healing, the thorns on His head were for our mental and emotional well-being and healing. Perry Stone stated, “His flesh was cut into bloody ribbons to provide healing for mankind.”

    1 John 1:8 says, If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.

    God is using you in more ways than you could ever dream “up”.

    I love you dearly and I’m so proud of the godly woman you have turned out to be.


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