Please, Lord Not That! It Stinks!

Last week, after writing about being tall enough to get on the next ride,  I began to think about how God uses our past to minister to those in the present, and prepare us for the future.  When the Lord started a deep-sea dive into the depths of my heart late last spring, he pulled out something that I thought I had buried.  I thought for sure I had buried it deep enough that He would never find a purpose for it, and would never call it out of the darkness of my heart, or use it for His glory, but He did.

My abortion experience was painful.  While I am forgiven, the whole experience just smelled!  Looking back on my experience leads me to the story of Lazarus.  John 11:38-45 says “Then Jesus, again groaning in Himself, came to the tomb.  It was a cave, and a stone lay against it.  Jesus said, “Take away the stone.”  Martha, the sister of him who was dead, said to Him, “Lord, by this time there is a stench, for he has been dead four days.”  Jesus said to her, “Did I not say to you that if you would believe you would see the glory of God?”  Then they took away the stone from the place where the dead man was lying.  And Jesus lifted up His eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me.  And I know that you always hear me but because of the people who are standing by I said this, that they may believe You sent me.  Now when He had said these things, He cried out with a loud voice, “Lazarus, Come Forth!”  And he who had died came out bound hand and foot with graveclothes, and his face was wrapped with a cloth.  Jesus said to them, “Loose him and let him go.” 

God has a supernatural way of breathing life into something that is lifeless.  Now, in the situation above he brought someone to life.  Isn’t that what He has done to each and every one of us?  The day you accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior you were brought to life!  When He called me to share my abortion testimony with a group of high school girls at our church last fall, my response was a little less than thrilled.  But, I obeyed.  My first thought was, “Lord, that part of my past stinks!  Are you sure this is what I am to share?”  Much like Martha’s response to Jesus when He told them to take away the stone, “Lord, he stinks!  Are you sure you want to remove that stone?” (paraphrase) And His response to her, was much like His response to me, “If you believe, you WILL see the glory of God.” (paraphrase) 

When we respond to the Lord in obedience we witness the supernatural glory, and wonder of His power at work in our lives, and the lives of others around us.  I wondered what if they judge me?  What if they make fun of me?  I wondered if my family would hate me.  This was the first time I’d openly shared my abortion, not only publicly but with extended family as well.  I had to spend much time in prayer; That is where you find your answers.  I knew that God had called me to do this, and I knew He would see me through.  Ridicule was something Christ endured, and I figured I would probably have to endure it as well.  What ridicule I would endure would not begin to touch the surface, compared to the suffering He took in my place on Calvary.  Sometimes, it is scary to step out there and reveal deep, dark, hidden secrets of our past but we have to constantly remind ourselves that God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)  I realized my fear wasn’t about me, neither was my abortion, it was about Christ, and His power working through my life, and His glory being revealed.

You might be saying, “There is no way God can use something from my past the way He used Lazarus’ life, and death, and then life again.”  That is where you are wrong, HE can, and HE will!  This requires an act of faith, and obedience on our part.  See the connection?  Lazarus once lived, then he died, then Christ gave him life again.  You had a situation that you went through, buried and laid it to rest, but God can bring life to it, and use it for His glory, but you must be willing to submit to His perfect will.

Is there something in your past that stinks?  Is there something hidden in your past that God wants to use to reach others, to help others see that He loves them, and that he paid the ultimate sacrifice for their salvation?  What is keeping you from letting go of your past, and letting God have His way?

Father, thank you for using me and working through me to reach those that need to hear that you ARE a loving, forgiving and merciful Lord.  I give my all to you.  Have your way with me Lord.  I pray that others will read this blog and that their hearts will be softened to hear your voice and they will choose to be obedient and turn their hearts over to you, so that you can work through them too.  In Jesus Name, Amen.

Struggling with courage?

Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you.  He will not leave you nor forsake you.”

Psalm 27:1 “The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear?  The LORD is the strength of my life;  Of whom shall I be afraid?

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Published in: on January 21, 2010 at 2:03 pm  Comments (1)  

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  1. Thank you for being so transparent with your life! We all have “skeletons in the closet”…that is for sure. Satan tries to throw them back in our faces all of the time to defeat us and make us doubt the forgiveness and grace that God gives freely through the cross. Nothing is too “bad” or “big” for God to forgive AND forget. Thank you for sharing your struggle. I pray it helps someone else have the victory over a life circumstance and also to gather the courage to talk about what has them in a pit of hopelessness and low self worth.
    God bless


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